Trial By Fire

I have a confession to make.

I feel like an imposter. 

Not all the time, but often enough. I'm telling you this because pretending otherwise is silly. In our modern 'gram worthy world it is all too easy to assume that everyone is slaying it, and frankly I'm not interested in faking it till I make it. Instead i'm going to:

FAKE IT till I can't pretend anymore, then ask for help and share how I'm feeling because that's how I MAKE IT.

I feel like an imposter because I am constantly pushing myself into uncharted territory. I have this good/bad habit of never allowing myself to get comfortable and since I keep jumping off creative cliffs and diving into the fiery depths of innovation, I often find myself at war with self doubt. 

A few months ago I had the pleasure of attending The Athena Conference (an event run by today's guest, as it were) where truth bombs were dropping left a right, and in the sea of memorable words I wrote down, the quote that has stuck with me most is:

"The gremlins of self doubt only emerge when you are on the edge of greatness. Use the gremlins to sharpen your vision and empower yourself." 

Easier said than done, right?

Yesterday, as I was recording the intro and outro for Episode II (which spans 2 minutes tops - but managed to consume 3+ hours of my time due to the ratchet sound of my voice following a frustrating head cold) I sank deeper and deeper into the gremlin's lair. After yelling "FUCK THIS" into the microphone, which I'm pretty sure is bad juju, I finally decided to walk away and go get my ass handed to me at the gym. 

Walking away is the most difficult thing for me to do. I am always sure that if I just power through the anger and frustration I will somehow find a sweet spot of creative juice and miraculously come out with gold. The answer is (this time, at least) that I was screaming at gold. 

So yes: my voice sounds a little congested, the conversation was recorded months ago on different (more expensive and thus infinitely more finicky) equipment, and the file I ended up with prevented me from editing out the bumps and jostles that were driving me bonkers at 4:30 in the afternoon yesterday. 

But also: the conversation is fantastic! The bumps and jostles aren't even that noticeable! AND I just put out my second episode, which is a smaller milestone than (for instance) my 100th episode, but I'm determined to celebrate life's victories no matter the size.  

Teaching myself to record and produce a podcast with no prior experience is going to make me feel like a fraud... until it doesn't. Because someday this will be as much a part of my toolbox as baking a cake, writing a poem, throwing a ceramic bowl, or soldering a pair of earrings. 


A LOOK AT TODAY'S EPISODE:

BOSS LADY & THE PRINCESS COMPLEX

EPISODE II is an absolutely delightful conversation with Lauren Caselli, and I love every minute of what she has to say. I adore the way that she plows through expectation and addresses the raw uncomfortable truths of running a business, finding love, self analysis, and managing social pressures while being the boss of your own life.

BOSS LADY BASH

Shortly after I met Lauren she invited me to her house for a gathering of 10 creative lady entrepreneurs, and together we spoke some hard truths and celebrated the under appreciated victories that make being your own boss worth while. Over the past two years she has grown this concept into a wonderfully inclusive and supportive community with a series of breathtaking events. 

If you are a lady-preneur in Montana you absolutely must get on her email list. These events sell out in a heartbeat and they are not to be missed. 

THE ATHENA CONFERENCE

Together with Kimberly Shapee, Lauren recently launched The Athena Conference, offering leadership training to women in business. As I mentioned above - it was a truly wonderful experience and I would recommend it to any and every one (bonus: it's not just for woman who RUN businesses!)